Time heals all wounds.....Part 2

I have to say that recovery was horrible. My physical pain & state of mind seemed to overshadow the loss we had both just experienced. I was lying on the small gurney & tried to wake up. I repeatedly asked for my husband completely unaware that he was there beside me. My throat was burning & I could not stop coughing. I later found out that I had aspirated in the O.R. & had to be intibated. My next memory is being back in our hospital room. I could barely keep my eyes open or form a complete sentence. I felt like I had never felt before. The nurse came in and told me that I wouldn't feel better until I received my blood transfusion. WHAT??? We had no idea that I lost so much blood. As they were setting up my I.V. my dr. came in & told us that I had lost 25% of my blood volume. Apparently, the placenta did not detach from my uterus & I started to hemorrhage. It all happened so quickly, neither one of us was fully aware. I received 2 units of blood that morning.


The nurse brought me a small memory box. She told me that when I was feeling better I should look through the box. She placed it on the table next to my bed. Who was she kidding? As soon as she left the room I grabbed it. Inside I found a crib card with my sons measurements & tiny foot prints, 7.08 inches & 5 o.z. She had also take 2 pictures of him wrapped in a blue blanket. I stared at these pictures for a long time. He looked like a sleeping newborn, just way too small. The emotions I felt were so different than before. I had yet to shed a single tear. He was born & he was perfect....he was our son. Part of me felt the same pride any new mother feels. I loved him no different than his siblings. Also in our box were several poems & keepsakes. We decided that he would be cremated & these mementos would be placed with his urn on his dresser. Our son was born on my brothers 30Th birthday & one day before our 1 year wedding anniversary. Instead of celebrating our anniversary with family & friends we came home & tried to process what had taken place.


Over the next few days the tears finally came. I had & still have so many questions as to what went wrong. We had a tissue sample of our son sent for some testing but haven't gotten any results. We have also scheduled an appointment with a Genetic Counselor on April 12, 2010. They will take blood from both of us & see if maybe we have a compatibility issue. I don't know for sure if we will try again but I need to know what happened. Again, my husband is ready to move forward & try for again. When we found out we were expecting I asked my dr. about the odds of losing another baby. Her response..."It would be like lightning striking twice."

R.I.P Alvin Spade

03/13/2010