It's my pity party & you've all been invited!!!

Today has been 'one of those' days.  Unfortunately I have found myself feeling sorry for myself & questioning everything.  Why do crappy things happen to good people?  I mean, I am a good person, right?  I have made many mistakes in my life & had a lot of heartache.  I have struggled many struggles & feel that I am a better person because of it.  Certain life experiences that once seemed like the world had ended are now laughable.  But does a pain like this ever diminish?  I am by no means expecting this to become laughable but will it fade?  If so, do I want it to fade?  I don't want to forget any detail of my brief time with my son but I do want the pain to fade.  I am at a place in my life (aside from recent events) where I am truly happy.  I have found a man that understands me & accepts me for who I am.  He loves everything about me, faults included.  We have better communication than I have ever had before & I trust him.  That's right, I TRUST HIM.  That one statement alone says a lot.  I have had issues with trust, especially men.  Thanks Dad! That's a whole other story but relevant.  The one thing missing is we want a child together.  I know that if we are never blessed with a healthy baby we will still be happy, in love & together.  It is just something that we want to experience, together.  So, that brings me to the "Why me?" or I guess the "why us?".  Why is it that we can't have what we want more than anything?  I am finding myself getting angry.  Angry at all the stories about child abuse, angry about all the "normal" people that can conceive with no effort.  Especially angry at those that don't even want babies but can still manage to get pregnant.  I have children, children that I wouldn't trade for the entire world.  I had my first 2 children when I was young.  I was not in the best place emotionally.  I made mistakes & I have regrets.  Looking back I would have done things differently.  Now, I am in a different place.  I have settled down, slowed down & am more connected with my children.  Now, my children were always taken care of, not neglected, they had their needs met but I wasn't the mother that I wanted them to have.  I want to be able to enjoy every moment of our child, I want to be able to appreciate him/her.  I am ready.  Am I asking for too much?