I could feel it festering for the past few days...I just wasn't prepared for the meltdown. I have been bottling my emotions which is unhealthy I know! I have found myself on the verge of tears several times per day but too stubborn to let them flow. I have barricaded myself in my bedroom on my laptop for days on end reading blogs of other peoples losses. Trying not to feel alone, all the while isolating myself from the 'real' world. Today's meltdown pissed me off. Not because I finally broke down but just because of the circumstances in general.
Today is Sunday, the day that my daughters father picks up Jordan. He called to say that he was on his way...she wasn't here. We allowed her to spend the night with her step-sister. (Husbands daughter) He was irritated but I really didn't care. He said to call him when she was on her way home. I went to get her...On my way to pick her up I decided to call him & let him know we would be home shortly. Now his attitude struck a nerve. The anger & emotion in all honesty should not have been directed at him but SO WHAT!! He said something about "we ruined his plans & so now he would just get her tomorrow". That one statement sent me over the edge, never mind the fact that I was BARELY clinging to the edge because that is not the point!!! I immediately burst into tears & said some not so nice things. How dare he say that I ruined his plans... I had plans of my own buddy. It's none of his business that those plans included hibernating in my room in pajamas. But now I am in my car, dressed in some funky old overalls, with tears streaming down my face.
I am not really mad at what he said, I am more mad that my emotional outburst was directed at him. He said nothing to make me feel better, actually he didn't say much at all. I am completely aware that it wasn't his job to comfort me. That total loss of control should have been directed at my husband. He would have known exactly what to say & would have accepted all responsibility/accountability for my emotions, because as he has often reminded me... he has broad shoulders & can handle it!!!
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